By Mad Poetic


My parents divorced when I was 13 and eventually my Dad went on to another relationship and ultimately getting remarried. I was cool with that even though dude kept it a secret until I found out 10 years later…”What! You mean to tell me that broad you’ve been living with all this time is your wife??? When the hell did that happen?” After the divorce shit was strained as you can imagine and my mom’s response to everything was “call your father”. If I need a pair of draws, “call your father”, if I need some new shoes, “call your father”, if I need a pack of condoms…y’all get the drift. But I wasn’t calling him for shit…I didn’t make this mess so why I got to hustle phone calls and whatnot….so basically I went without draws, shoes and I ended up boosting the condoms from the Venture’s out in River Oaks. There were many a heated phone call between my mother and father….I made the mistake off picking up the phone one night only to encounter a slew of “F U pay me’s” and a handful of “I ain’t got no money” but what surprised me was the response of my fathers new lady. I could hear in the background shouting directions to my Dad like “you ain’t got to do that” and my favorite “you paying child support so let them figure it out”. Read More Let “THEM” figure it out? Oh really?!?! Who the fuck is “THEM”! I wanted to scream in the phone so bad and say “Dad, you ain’t smack her yet? I know you ain’t gon’ take that” but to no avail dude just hung up and went on with his life. It was at the moment that I vowed to a) have my chirrun in a family setting by hook or crook and b) if shit don’t work out and I got to bounce I will never let some random ass hussy shit on the remnants of my family….
I have no respect for cats who let the new broads infiltrate and agitate their situations especially when it comes to the children. That shit I can not honor. Your main focus is to the seeds you left behind…you still hold the position of cultivator and father and you can never allow anyone to push you off your square. And you can’t blame the sistas you move on with from trying to look out for themselves and their chirrun by piecing together families as best they can which you are now a part of. That’s the nature of a mother…trying to carve a world out of the disappointments they may have faced in the past. Trying to give there chirrun the family, that in some cases, they never had. It’s easy to put the blame on them but this is a cross you need to bear. But be wary, there are some sista that really and truly don’t give a shit about what you stand for and could care less whether you spend time with your offspring or not….as long as you are doing for her and her baggage. As soon as you get a phone call talkin’ ‘bout “Lil Tyrone needs this or that” they all in your ass pulling out all the tricks…guilt, the “what about me?”or the always reliable “I’m yo woman now!”….but what they fail to realize is that it ain’t about them. So if you get the call you needs to get yo ass up, put yo shit on and hightail it to the nearest “Babies R Us” and get them wipes, diapers, bottle warmers, breast milk pumps or what the fuck ever is needed. You can deal with the bullshit later but you take care of your responsibility before anything else. If you got a woman that can’t relate to that then in the words of Wesley Snipes from New Jack City “cancel that bird and get you a new one”.
Women just want to be a part of something beautiful, real, and sustaining. They want to feel safe, be pampered and loved. They want to find a place to put down all the baggage they’ve been carrying and not have to worry about being judge but a place to find infinite acceptance. So if you’re the brotha who has chosen to give her this Utopia at least do her the solid and reveal her place, her role, and your expectations. Sometimes in our quest to put her first we do more of a disservice in our attempt to forge a healthy relationship. “Second” relationships have a great number of obstacles to conqueror so it’s best to put all the cards on the table then to have a wait and see outlook. And be firm and open about how you deal with your situation. If you’re going to pick up your shorty from the babies’ momma’s why the hell is the new broad riding shotgun? Does she let you hang out at the flat when the baby daddy comes by to pick up his kid…I didn’t think so. And why is the new broad all in your pocket when it comes to things you purchase for your child? Does she sweat you or question you when your paying tuition and shit for her child?…I didn’t think so. And why is the new broad coming to your child’s football game?…you know, the one where your child’s mother will be in attendance?…tell her ass to fall back…this is not her place. Don’t allow her need to be “seen” to fuck up an already fragile situation. And if the babies daddy comes to the crib to get his shorty don’t be all in the front door trying to intimidate somebody, you might get your ass kicked…sit yo ass back down in the lazy boy and finish watching the game…ain’t yo place even if you do live there.
Dudes, if you got baggage and responsibilities and getting ready to jump into the pool of “second chance at love” then first gather your senses and priorities. Remain steadfast in what you believe in and never compromise when it comes too your children because believe me the women you get with ain’t gon’ compromise either and she shouldn’t have too. Give her the “real” situation so that she can make her decision based on fact and not fantasy. Ladies, you can’t dethrone the babies momma…not happening. Try being an ally and not an antagonist.